Lost

Some days, I feel like a nomad. Considering the fact that I have been sitting on the couch doing homework all evening, clearly I am no one that is wandering. Not physically at least. It's my heart. My heart never seems to be still. Some days, it's quite distracting and relentless. Every time I hear a mention of a far away country or an unvisited place, my heart and my head start racing. In my dreams, I am taken there. To the orphans, to the sweltering sun of South America or to a quite house that I may have visited this summer. These dreams, these thoughts take me out of reality and into a world where I long to be. College has been tough. Some days, I feel trapped in a town I feel I may never have the bravery to leave and in the monotonous routines of everyday life as a student. During class, I scan my favorite missionary blogs to read new stories and discover the faces of new believers in many places all over the world. It brings me joy and a deep sadness that I am not there-that I am stuck. Stuck here to try and concentrate on my education and the things that life throws at me. And then, all at once, it hits me. God has me in this season for a very specific purpose. Shepard to the wandering sheep, Jesus knows how to deal with a lamb that has strayed. My walk with Him has strayed because of this wandering. My heart cannot rest. It longs for things that are not here, not now. This past week I listened to an excerpt from Jennifer Rothschild's "Missing Pieces". She leads her readers to Judges 6 where the Lord is speaking to Gideon. In the explanation of this passage, Jennifer shares with us that "God is present in Gideon's presence, but Gideon is not present in the present." Gideon dwells on the things that the Lord has done in the history of the Israelites. He cannot see that God is with them NOW.  The statement that I put in quotes was profound to me. In the past years I have experienced so many life defining moments and I have truly been able to feel God's presence. When I was scared and lonely in a remote village of the Philippines, God calmed me. Some nights, after intimate and intense prayer, I could literally feel a calm and stillness wash over my trembling body. But after listening to this message, it was so clear to me that in those moments that I was calm, the moments when my heart was still, safe and resting happily, those were the moments that I was completely present in the present. I was resting in God's presence in that very moment. And so, as I have mulled over those thoughts this week, I am reminded to dream contently. Trusting God to bring me into situations or opportunities that will allow me to wander closer to His kingdom and rest in His truth.