Tuesday, October 7, 2014

I'm Worn Out

I have been meaning to write a post for a few weeks now and since I decided to take a "mental health" day today - the timing was just right for a little blog session. This semester has been so different from the rest of nursing school - the studying has slowed and my skills have been pushed to a new level. I am ending things out as a student on an Ortho floor - I cannot say that I love it but I have gotten to practice some skills that will be useful in the future. We generally see patients fresh from a joint replacement, spine surgery or ER admits. 72 more hours to go....

I keep telling myself "I can do this" but there is always that seed of doubt somewhere in the back of my mind. It's challenging, it's uncomfortable, some days it's awkward - but I want to be the one to do it. I know I can learn this - so many have gone before me.

I think one reason this rotation has seemed to drag on for me is the atmosphere in which I am working. Often times, people I am surrounded by are negative about..well...just about everything!
I feel the life being sucked out of my hopes and dreams of becoming a nurse. I am entering this profession because I like to care for people, I hate to see someone hurting and I think everyone deserves a kind, compassionate, careful nurse to walk with them through their hospital stay {whether hours or weeks}

Although it may not be listed in the syllabus, I learn one fact more and more each time I step foot into the hospital. I cannot do this on my own strength. I must rely on the Lord, He who is stronger than I. The true healer, comforter and confidant.

Nurses burn out.
Nurses live in an almost constant state of stress - emotionally and physically.

But God remains - He is constant, He is sufficient.

The days are grueling and the stories continually touch my heart, often reminding me of my own family member or friend.

When I return to my car after a long shift and start that 40 minute drive home, my soul is refreshed and renewed by the presence of Jesus. Sometime it's through tearful prayer, sometimes I sing along as praises are lifted up on the radio but often, it is the silence that is most powerful - reflection on what all I have to be thankful for.

68 days stand between me and a diploma with the letters B S N
And 68 forevers will not separate me from the unconditional togetherness of my soul with Christ.  Hallelujah!

"His going out is as sure as the dawn; 
He will come to us as the showers, 
as the spring rains that water the earth."
Hosea 6:3

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